5 Ways to Stop Settling for Less Than You Deserve
#1 stop rationalizing the poor behavior of others.
A person becomes an accomplice in their own life’s dissatisfaction when they chronically settle for less than what they want. As you consciously make decisions that reflect what you deeply desire from your life and from your relationships, you will start to feel better about yourself. The better you feel, the easier it becomes to not accept mistreatment or less than you deserve.
Resist the need to settle and the universe will reward you with opportunities.
Here are five ways you can stop settling for less than you deserve and start feeling better:
1. Stop rationalizing the poor behavior of others.
Notice if you often make excuses for others’ mistreatment of you: “He had a bad day, that’s why he’s lashing out,” or “She’s had a hard life, that’s why she expects so much of me.” It matters if you don’t have peace of mind in your relationships. Instead of rationalizing, try to speak directly to what hurts you. If those you are close to can’t hear you, dismiss or invalidate you and you accept that, you are settling for less than what a person deserves in this world.
2. Recognize that not getting what you want is not a personal curse.
You make yourself vulnerable to settling, if every time hardship or setback occurs you tell yourself that you are cursed by forces outside of your control. That point of view concedes defeat. Life is not always unfair but life is sometimes unfair. Each time you try for something you want, wipe the slate clean of your past setbacks. Otherwise you allow the bitterness of earlier disappointments (not forces outside of your control) to make you vulnerable to settling for less than you deserve and can achieve.
3. Recognize that being alone is not the same thing as abandonment.
Finding yourself alone or on your own to manage life doesn’t mean something is inherently flawed about you. If you can’t be alone, without self-criticism and self-attack, then you will settle for lousy friendships and any old lover just to find a diversion from loneliness .You can handle being healthfully alone. Accept aloneness now, so you can get something better later.
4. Become used to expressing what you desire and say it repeatedly. No one gets what they want if they don’t first, fully accept and recognize what they desire and then second, communicate this to the people in their lives. Get in touch with what you want, big and small. Talk about it with friends, family, and acquaintances. Say it out loud. Put the universe on notice so support can come back to you.
5. Don’t agree with what you don’t want.
A huge part of settling is being a “yes-man” or a “yes-woman.” If you agree to things you don’t really want, then you are building a life that doesn’t reflect your needs and your identity . When asked to do something or even when asked what you want for dinner, allow yourself to pause and go inward. Ask yourself—“What do I want to eat?” or “Do I want to do this” or “What kind of work do I wish to do,” or “Do I really want to spend time with this particular person.” And heed the answers.